Bravin Yuri is a Mental Health advocate with a background in Political Science and Sociology. He is also an activist, Blogger and Social media Influencer and the Founder of Mental Health Kenya
We have so much abuse and toxicity in relationships these days majorly because we fail to communicate. Communication is very essential in any relationship and lack of it brings alot of turmoil in the relationship.
There has been an increase in Gender Based Violence (GBV) cases in Kenya and that is something we need to worry about since we are even losing lives to GBV not to forget the amount of body harm/damage that is left behind on victims. All these cases arise due to the increased toxicity in relationships.
Before you get into any relationship make sure you are well prepared mentally and really know what you want in that relationship. If you are not sure of what you want, then by all means, don’t get into any relationship. You will just be a passenger without a destination. Riding on an endless storm to nowhere. Not knowing how you want to be treated in a relationship also creates room for you to be treated in a way you wouldn’t want when you later realize how you really want to be treated but the damage will have already been done.
You will find that someone who doesn’t want a marriage but just a child with the party involved doesn’t communicate that and just moves along with the relationship. Later on, after getting the child, they just walk away since their target has been achieved and leave the other party extremely damaged. Remember this damaged party will find another partner out there and now might project what was done to them to the other party. They might even treat them the way they were treated and we create a cycle of damaged individuals. Communicate. Say what you want and be honest about it.
If you are just interested in sex with the other person and not have a relationship with them, then why not just tell them? If they are okay with it then you go along with it and if they are not then you will save yourself some time and the number of lies you will have to keep telling. Some people go to an extent of confessing love they don’t even feel just to get what they want. After they get it, they disappear. What you leave behind is the root of some of the GBV cases we find out here. Communicate!
If at all you also start a relationship with someone and along the way you feel like this is not what I was signing up for, then by all means feel free to tell your partner that that is not what you expected. You can then harmoniously terminate that relationship and focus on better things to do with your time and life. Life is too short to stick in a relationship that is not adding value to you as a person, tormenting your mental health and giving you sleepless nights. Just pull the exit plug.
The most important thing you have to understand is that beating a partner is not a solution to anything. If you have an issue with your partner, maturity demands that you sit them down and as two adults, have a conversation with them. Violence is not a voice of wisdom but chants of chaos. If you feel your issues can’t be solved anymore after the conversation then you can just part ways. If a relationship can’t be fixed by an honest conversation and sex then nothing will.
Lastly, before you get into any relationship, normalize having a counseling session. It is for your own good. Some people out here were not raised well. Some were just raised to survive. All they do is for survival. They might not even know how to love you right. Alot can be revealed in counseling about your partner and you that you might have not known.