Bravin Yuri is a Mental Health advocate with a background in Political Science and Sociology. He is also an activist, Blogger and Social media Influencer and the Founder of Mental Health Kenya
Sometimes I just don’t want to talk to anybody. I just want to be left alone. Not talked to and not asked anything. Just left alone. To think about me. To focus on me. To find me and to just reflect about Life. I really don’t even feel like I should say I want to be alone cause I just give all the signs that I want to be alone. Not because anyone pissed me off but because I just want to be alone.
Occasionally, it might feel like I am snobbish or rude for not responding to anything I am asked but at this time, I just don’t want to say anything. I just want to think, see without speaking and just be left to myself. The only companion I want is me and silence. No noise, maybe just the rain and breeze sounds on my earphones. It is the only company that I want and can accommodate at a time like this.
There are moments when you wake up and all you think about is the life you wished to live while you were young. The sacrifices and the hard work you put to get that life but life itself had other plans for you. You watch as you leave your teenage years into your youth and still the only difference and progress you have made is adding more years but keep getting further from what you hoped to have achieved by that age. A stable job/income, a house, a car maybe, land somewhere but all you have to yourself is nothing but hope. Hope that seems like it’s fading away.
Have you ever sat down and really thought about your life? The impact you have made to this World, the sacrifices you have made to achieve your goals and how you see your future? Does it look brighter or you just have no idea? Well, when I was young, I wanted to be a pilot but as of now, nataka tu ploti. Guess I just rearranged my dream. Huh! That should be able to paint a picture of how things can be. But I guess the last thing a man needs to lose is hope. You lose that and you lose yourself.
I think about many things in this life and sometimes I even wonder about the next. If someone was to ever take a trip into my mind I guess they would have quite a field day. I am a man of many thoughts and wonders. You know, my dream of being a pilot was inspired by my late grandfather whom anytime we were at his place back in the village and an aeroplane would pass by, he’d say “Soma kwa nguvu uwe rubani”. We’d smile about it and I’d say how I would be coming to the village in a plane and we laughed about it. Sometimes I’d joke around and say “Kusoma kwa nguvu ama kwa bidii? Tukisoma kwa nguvu si tutavunja madawati?”. We would laugh again. It was always nice hanging out with him. He really was a great man. May his soul rest in peace.
That aside, back to this life we were talking about. Have you ever been scared of reaching your peak years and you have nothing? You know, you get to that age where you can’t really work harder than you already did. The flatline stage of your life where you can’t push further. You are at your life’s elastic limit. That thought alone keeps me awake so many times.
Have you ever wondered why Parents keep pushing their children to study a certain course so bad or even become something they really don’t want? The parent now want you to become what they didn’t. You find a parent telling his/her child “You must be a lawyer, a doctor etc or else I will not pay that school fees”. Even when it is very clear that that child doesn’t want to be what the parent wants but they get pushed to do it just because the parent couldn’t be that. They now want to live their dream life in their kids. I always pray to never become such a parent. If you did your best and didn’t make to lead the life you expected then I guess you just have to be contented with what life has thrown at you and make the best out of it. Don’t push your child to be what they don’t want. It is their life after all and they have the right to become what they dream to be. Let them dream and chase that dream. You can only offer guidance.
Now I just realized I dived into something I can never stop talking about when I start to. As I said, I am a many of many thoughts. Sometimes they take me too far. Anyways, let me just leave it here and as you, is the life you wanted, the life you are living and is it the life you want to live in future? Would you change a thing? Would you just live it as it is? The beauty of life is to live it in our own terms and embrace it to the fullest. If you are living your life right now with no regrets then smile and embrace it. If you feel it’s not what you wanted then do something about it. We only have one life to live and it should be with no regrets.