Sometimes we just want to die from Suicide but then, we remember the look on our Mothers’ faces when they stare down at our cold body wondering how and where they failed as mothers and we basically don’t do it.
Some people walk around smiling but deep inside they are succumbing to depression, The Deadly Smile. Depression is real and if it hasn’t hit you yet, every minute that goes by, someone somewhere is fighting depression.
In Kenya today, depression is basically what has been the latest nightmare for the youths.
You Graduate, No jobs! For those that are there, You are supposed to know someone who knows someone for you to get the job. The only readily available jobs for the youths is crime and for those that are ‘lucky’, blow jobs.
Youths start being depressed immediately they join Campus and some even from high school and for those who aren’t lucky, in primary school. That’s why pupils and students die due to suicide because they have failed a K.C.P.E or K.C.S.E exam.
In Campus, Peer pressure first makes you try to fit in but when you can’t, you start being stressed out. You try the latest fashion, doesn’t work out, you try the latest ‘stuff’ like the hard drugs but all you keep gathering is more depression when you can’t keep up.
You eventually get expelled for not being able to attend classes, do your exams and mostly being high all the time and you even loose touch with reality.
Later on, you then realize that you are just a walking body and what is in there is not you, just someone else in your body and you don’t like that person. It is a shell of you.
So you try to change what is in there but the Society already has its mind made up about who you are.
You try the ‘hustle’ out there but you meet your former classmates who even can’t say hi because the person they believe they knew is not worth their time.
That’s when you feel alone and meaningless in life. Your parents expect you as a man or woman to be able to support them but you can’t even support yourself.
You then decide that if the world has decided to put all this burden on you then it’s better you bury the burden with you and in you.
You try to move on but your problems can’t let you go. They follow you, troll you like your shadow. The only time they leave you for a moment is when you are in the darkness (high). But when the sun comes up you realize that you were just being an ostrich.
That’s when you decide that you rather be free in a 6 by 6 than a Prisoner of the entire universe. A prisoner of your own self and identity.
You get that bottle of pills, read the instructions and fantasize of how you will be free once again but then, your Mother.
You can see how the community will be talking about how she failed to be a good mother and how she couldn’t even help stop you. How she will be depressed the way you are and that alone is enough to put the top back on the bottle
Bravin Yuri is a Mental Health advocate with a background in Political Science and Sociology. He is also an activist, Blogger and Social media Influencer and the Founder of Mental Health Kenya